Rediscovering Zen: How I’m Rebuilding Calm, Focus, and Flow After Chaos

“Sometimes you lose your rhythm, not your potential. The music is still inside—you just need to find the beat again.”

The start of this year has been wild. It began with energy, flow, and that Zen-like invincibility—until life did what life does. This post is about Rediscovering Zen when everything shifts around you.

It kicked off on a high note—New York on New Year’s, birthday celebrations with friends in Arizona, consistency with workouts, and an overall sense of control. I think I was fully in Zen mode—calm, collected, and feeling unstoppable.

What Even Is Zen?

To me, Zen is a state where you feel invincible.
You get ideas that make you shake with excitement because they’re so damn cool. You’re overflowing with confidence. You believe you can do it all—and you actually can.

Fig: When it feels like everything is in balance

But then, like it does, life happened.

The Disruption Phase: When Flow Gets Interrupted

First, I got the flu. Really sick for a few weeks.
Then, my mom came to visit (not a bad thing—just a shift).
Just as I started finding flow again, I had to travel to Vancouver for visa stamping (again, not bad—just different).
Burned my gums there (long story), which made eating painful for a week. Then I had three wisdom teeth removed… hello, soup week part two.
And suddenly, it’s the end of March.

April brings more change—my dad’s coming and we’re heading to Mount Shasta for a family trip.

Health, Habits & Slipping Gears

I tried to keep up with workouts, but my finances took a hit.
I lost a lot of weight and muscle.
Creatively, I stopped playing piano, and my reading habit slipped.
It felt like I was slowly drifting away from my Zen routine.

But Wait—There Were Wins Too

Not all was lost. A lot of beautiful things still happened:

Met some amazing people and made new friends
Picked up a paintbrush again—submitted a piece to the A/NT Gallery, and it’s going to be on display in April 🙌
Finished reading The Power of Moments – a book that was suggested by a close friend of mine
Maintained a 220-day Apple Watch streak (and its still going on!)
Bought Final Cut Pro and edited my first video (lots to learn still, but progress!)

I guess it’s all about where we choose to focus.

Fig 1: Gifted this to a friend

Fig 2: Submitted to Art Gallery!

The Dream That Explained It All

Last night, I had a dream.

There was this place I used to go to often.
But someone had built a wall in front of the main door. I had to squeeze through a narrow gap—it was uncomfortable.
When I complained, I found out it was a sliding panel that could open if I tapped my ID.
Inconvenient, but it worked.

The Metaphor: Zen Has a New Access Point

You used to have a door—easy, fluid access to your Zen mode.
Then something happened: sickness, life events, external changes—a wall was built.
You’re still trying to get back, but now it’s clumsy. You can’t enter the same way anymore.

That “just tap your ID” part?
That’s your inner voice saying:

“You can still access that place. But now, it’s different. There’s a system. A method. A new path.”

And yeah, that might be annoying at first.
Because you’re not just chasing routines—you’re chasing a feeling.
The lightness, the clarity, the momentum.
You want the invincibility, not just the to-do list.

The Shift: From Routine to Feeling

So where does that leave me?

I think I’m in transition—between two versions of myself:

The old one: clean, efficient, in-control
The new one: messier, more complex, maybe even more evolved

I haven’t lost my Zen.
It’s just that… the access point changed.

Instead of trying to rebuild the same routine, maybe I should aim to rebuild the same feeling.

Routines will always change. But if I know how to tap into that space, it doesn’t matter how I get there.

April Is the Month of Realignment

I want to honor this phase—weird, messy, transitional.

Because even in the chaos, one thing I never questioned was my ability to return.
I know I can get back to that space. This is just a season of learning.

Maybe life’s shaking things up to make space for something even better.

So here’s my plan:

Daily blog posts (even short ones—just show up)
Read before bed
Start Atomic Habits (I’ve never finished it before because I thought “I already do this,” but now I want to see it with fresh eyes)

Have you ever felt like you lost your flow and had to find a new way back in?

What does your Zen look like right now? Feel free to drop in a comment! – I’d love to hear your story. And hey, if you’re also trying to reset this April, maybe we can keep each other accountable!