This is going to be a brain dump.
“In order to live a life you have never lived, you need to do things that you have never done.”
I’m not sure where I read this quote, but holy shit, it has been stuck in my head ever since.
It’s a beautiful quote.
And I agree.
I’ve lived my template for… uhh, a really long time now.
Nothing wrong with the template though. In fact, when it comes to “living life the right way,” I think I’m checking off a lot of the boxes pretty well.
- Be a morning person – yeah, I’m up at like 6 almost every day.
- Eat healthy – I don’t eat much junk anymore. Food is pretty good these days.
- Workout consistently – I get some sort of physical activity almost every day. I have an apple watch streak for like 750 days and it is wild!!
- Read books – I read, and I genuinely enjoy it. Could definitely read more, but it’s there.
- Meditate – uhh… 2–3 times a week, I guess.
- Journal – I do that. And I write these blog things.
- Be good with finances – that’s coming along really well too.
There’s probably a lot more.
These are all “good” things.
Maybe I’m a “good” guy.
I definitely have some bad habits too – I’m not going to write those here lol – but if I were keeping score, I think the majority is good.
Is there anything wrong with that?
Not really.
But lately I’ve been wondering:
Where do you stop trying to be good?
I didn’t plan on writing that sentence when I started this, but eh.
Because when it comes to other people, being the person who “does everything right” gets you this reaction:
“Oh, he has his shit together.” “I want to be like him.”
“He’s doing everything right.”
And that’s nice.
But I’m not entirely sure that’s what I wanted.
Or maybe that’s not all I want.
I’m good at influencing people. I like listening to what someone is saying, understanding how they’re thinking, and then giving them another way to look at the problem. I have inspired a lot of my close friends, helped them get to this “good” life they have craved about and a lot of them thank me for it (which is nice i guess).
I like solving things. It’s just built into me.
But what is the life that I actually want to live?
That’s a harder question.
There are several parts to it.
Physically, I think I’m doing pretty well. If I keep doing what I’m doing for another few years, I’ll probably get pretty close to the ideal version I have in my head. Even right now, I’m probably in the best shape of my life.
Creativity is something I can never get enough of. I love creating things, and I want more of that. Be more into art, music and what not.
I’d like to have someone to share life with. I guess that comes with time.
Travel more? Already doing that.
So… it’s a pretty good life.
I like it.
And maybe that’s exactly why this has been bothering me.
I think I’ve cracked the template.
I’ve gotten really good at following it.
And honestly, that’s amazing. A lot of people around me are still trying to build these habits, and I’m grateful that most of them are starting to feel automatic for me.
But now I keep wondering:
How do I break the template without actually breaking it?
How do I add some uncertainty to it?
Something that makes life feel a little less optimized and a little more… alive?
I don’t really know what the answer is.
Maybe I take a random afternoon off and just drive somewhere.
Maybe I book a flight somewhere for no particularly good reason.
Maybe I go talk to someone I would normally never talk to.
Maybe I tell someone something I’ve always wanted to tell them without spending three weeks analyzing every possible outcome.
I think I need to find the randomness.
Because I do have randomness in my life.
The funny thing is, I schedule it.
And maybe that defeats the purpose a little.
I don’t want to destroy the template.
I’m not going to stop eating healthy just because unpredictability sounds fun.
I’m not going to become a night owl. I mean, I am sometimes but my core identity is being a morning person and that isnt going to change.
I’m not going to stop exercising.
Those things are good. They make my life better.
Let them stay on autopilot.
The question is: what do I build on top of them?
What is that extra twist that makes me feel alive?
And I have tried.
Last month I joined a salsa class because I have absolutely no idea how to dance.
I went to a class or two and then dropped off because… priorities and had my brother visiting me and more.
I enrolled in an art school to learn oil painting. That was actually really fun.
I’ve gone to meetup events alone and talked to complete strangers.
I travel.
I try things.
But here’s the weird part.
All of those things are still somehow very… me.
Of course I would randomly enroll in art school.
Of course I would show up alone to a meetup or try out some super random event.
Of course I would decide to learn something new.
Even my spontaneity somehow fits the template.
And I think that’s what I’m trying to get at.
I want to do something that isn’t “me.”
Not something reckless. Not something self-destructive.
Just something that my current version wouldn’t automatically choose.
Something where I don’t already know who I’m going to be when I get there.
Maybe that’s the point of the quote.
To live a life I’ve never lived, maybe I don’t need a completely different life.
Maybe I just need to occasionally surprise the person living it.
I don’t know what that looks like yet.
But I think I want to find out. I really do :3
Leave a Reply